Tuesday, November 18, 2008

To-do lists

I was told recently that the oldest child in a family has a tendency to make to-do lists, either physical or mental. I'm the youngest, but I still compulsively engage in the same habit. Take that, science!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

The fair

The other day, I was at the supermarket and happened upon a rather provocative conversation. A man and woman were standing in the rice aisle having a dispute of some sort, looking very provincial. Apparently he had something unjust, and she was vociferating, "T'ain't fair! T'ain't fair!"

And the he came back with this zinger:

"The taint fair? Yeah, I've been there. The rides are fun, but the smell is terrible!"

Friday, November 7, 2008

Must have been a late night

This is from the end of my 8 a.m. biology class on Wednesday. I stayed until the beginning of the next class, but they weren't showing any signs of waking up. I wonder how what kind of a scene they made when they did.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

America's response to the president-elect

The aftermath of the election, the nation's truest reality television show, might be best captured by the last lines of the Truman Show:

Security Guard #1: You want another slice?
Security Guard #2: No, I'm okay.
Security Guard #1: What else is on?
Security Guard #2: Yeah, let's see what else is on.
Security Guard #1: Where's the T.V. Guide?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Ваш туалет разводит Большевиков?

Last night I had a dream that America impulsively started a war with Russia.

In an attempt at self-preservation, I decided to emigrate to Russia through an agency on the country's east coast. I got there through a tunnel that began in western Europe. Once I got there, I began speaking with an immigration intern (who seemed to also be American) about lots of questions I had regarding safety, mobility, and whether or not I had to take sides.

While we were talking, the intern's supervisor came up and started complaining because it was closing time, and he couldn't go home until everyone else was working. He was stereotypically Russian: mustached, short, beer belly, definitely drunk. He was wearing a cotton, crew-neck sweatshirt and had longish gray hair that was rumpled and only slightly covering his bald spot.

At this point, I interjected with a question for the supervisor about some concern I had. He responded by gesturing out the window. There were large animals outside that you might hope to find on a safari, one of which was an alligator that had a green cloth suit on that was supposed to make him look like a dinosaur. The supervisor asked if I thought that a country with animals like that would ever let something bad happen to me.

At that point, everyone decided to go home and left me at the agency. Since I had no place to go, I curled up in the agency's bomb shelter, which was just a wooden crate. To let you know what day you sealed yourself inside, it had a coin with the date engraved on it which I think it was August 29, 2009. A prophesy perhaps?

*****

On an unrelated note, I think it would be nice to go to sleep early tonight and wake up with a new president. It's kind of like Christmas.

*****

On yet another note, is it too soon for McCarthyism to be funny? If anyone says yes, he or she is probably a Communist pig and should be blacklisted and/or shot on site. Same thing for the dirty socialists.

Which reminds me: I wish there were a punctuation mark for sarcasm. Duncan, one of my old high school classmates, had an idea for this. He called it the "sarc," and it was a small circle that went at the end of the sentence (like a period.) I think he was on to something.

Vote today!

Suffrage: It's your democratic right, so do it (unless you have some kind of good reason not to.)

Monday, November 3, 2008

Bacchanalian Mondays: This guy

Kyle MacDonald. He bartered his way from a paperclip to a house in just 14 trades. Now, he's trying to trade the house.

I first heard about this a couple of years ago, and I used to think it was the coolest thing ever. Now I'm just pissed off that I wasn't this creative. Why can't I think of a way to get something for (essentially) nothing and then turn it into a book and make a bunch of money? Sigh.

Ok, I still think it's pretty cool.

This guy also decided to be a freelance mail carrier, delivering mail to people all over the world. Other people have done this, though, including my sister and brother-in-law.

See, there's a barrel on Floreana Island in the Galapagos. They call it "Post Office Barrel" and there's a tradition that goes with it. You're supposed to address a postcard and put it in the barrel. Then, you take another postcard (or more) out of the barrel that's addressed to someone who lives in a city that you plan on visiting, and you deliver it to that person personally. They could receive it weeks, months or years later after it was written.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Obama Nation

Carnahan Quad is quiet today, but the pockmarked grass still gives ample testimony to 40,000 pairs of feet that stood there on Thursday night, raptly listening to the man who could be the next president of the United States.

Mizzou went nuts; people started lining up about 7 hours before Obama started speaking. I hung out there for a couple of hours watching the hustle and bustle and taking a few photos. When I left at 6:30 p.m., the snakey line was on its way to being a mile long.

I can't shake the feeling that, no matter how the election turns out, Obama will always be the candidate that, at least from a narrative perspective, should have won the presidency.

As I was taking pictures of them setting up the security checkpoint, a couple of guards told me to stop. I asked if I was somehow prohibited from taking pictures, and one guy replied, "Well legally you can, but this is national security here and if you post these images on the Internet you're feeding information to terrorists."